A little song for small dick lovers around the world.

Last night, I turned out the light, lay down and thought about you

I thought about the way my cock feels in my hand.

Two o’clock wonderin’ what I’m doin’ here alone without you, wonderin’ why your not in my hand

[Chorus]

I woke up in love this morning

I woke up in love this morning

Went to sleep with you in my hand.

Hello cock, yes it’s five o’clock I know but you listen

There’s something I’ve got to let you know

This is you, in my hand that I’m rubbing and I’m wankin’

And one more thing before I let you go…

Well if dreams come true well if they do I’ll still wank you.

Not just for a day but for my whole life through.

[Chorus]

I woke up in love this morning

I woke up in love this morning

Went to sleep with you in my hand.

Well now it would seem that I need to go into more detail about how to fuck a loaf of bread. I’ve had a call from some silly twit that needed instruction on the fine art of loaf fucking. Shocking I know. This moron took the loaf out of the oven and proceeded to try and fuck it nice and hot. HAHA! Now really; I thought that you fools would be smart enough to know to let it cool a bit first. So if anyone wants to give loaf fucking a try; let it cool to a nice warm temperature before you try to give it a good poke.

It’s a nice lovely day, the aroma of bread baking in the oven drifts through the house. You wonder into the kitchen lured by the fragrance of the baking bread. Standing in front of the oven you feel the heat warm your body and a thought occurs to you. I wonder what it would feel like to take that nice warm loaf of bread, cut a hole into the back, hollow it out just a bit, and slide my fat cock deep inside. Yessss you think, this could be almost like fucking someone real. The hole in the loaf would be so warm, so snug; in and out you could go with that little dick. Pumping in an out, Oh yes, oh yes, that feels so damn good! Harder, faster, your almost there, ready to shoot your hot load. Then right when you cum, right when you are feeling the after glow, you hear; WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? You turn and there she is your other half, her face red with anger. You just stand their Dick in that loaf of bread, not knowing what to do. She walks over slowly, and then she says something you thought never to hear from her lips. She smiles a wicked smile, and then says that loaf should have an extra salty taste to it now; thanks to you. So my dear you get the pleasure of eating the whole loaf, right here and now in front of me. I’m not asking my sweet; I’m ordering you to eat that loaf right now. Slowly you remove the loaf from your limp cock, bring the loaf up to your mouth and start eating. While chewing you hear her laughing, and then to your shock she turns and says; I’m glad to know that there’s something in this world you’re good at fucking!HAHA Now it’s just to bad that the yeast in the bread can’t make that cock of yours grow nice and big like the bread; then I to might have something to fuck.

Are you the type that loves to have naughty things done to your bum? Maybe you enjoy the fine art of caning. Does the mere thought of bending over a desk, bum high in the air waiting for that first lovely sting of pain bring joy to your nether regions? I bet you just can’t wait to run to the mirror just to take a peek at your nice, new, red marks of pain and joy. That’s right; slowly run your fingers over each and every angry welt. The first touch after your beating takes your breath away and you smile at the memory of each painful lash. You lightly reach down and fondle your now limp dick hoping to rekindle the hot flame for just one more orgasm. But wait; no one told you that you could wank on that tiny dick again! Tell me; just what do you think you’ve done to deserve such pleasure? I’m waiting, still waiting. Oh hell are you going to take all damn night? Oh did I hurt your little feelings? HAHA Dip shit do you really think I care one way or the other how much my words sting? You are nothing more then a play thing to me. I amuse myself at your expense, nothing more, and nothing less.

Alright I can just picture you sitting there, scratching your head, thinking “what about the other fun things”. You know that’s a good question, and one I might answer for you someday. I’ll think about it. In the mean time just keep the lube ready for action; never know…

The amazing Pecker! That’s right folks you heard me right; the amazing pecker. See Mr. Pecker stand at attention with the slightest breeze! It can stand, it can thrust, hell it can poke, it can shoot, and it can fornicate! Heck there is not much that Mr. Pecker can’t do in this world; I tell you true. Please don’t get Mr.Pecker confused with Little Dick That Thought It Could; they are nothing a like. Little Dick is just another one of those useless cocks that just never did make the grade. Can’t please a women; can’t even fit the thing in a glory hole because you guessed it; it’s to damn short. You know you can’t even take Little Dick for a ride because the damn cock just keeps slipping out of the woman’s hole. Another problem Little Dick has is finding a condom to fit. They just don’t make any for small cocks. I guess they figure why the hell bother; chances are the tiny cock will slip out before it’s goo spews.

Now let’s take a moment to compare Mr. Pecker with Little Dick. Mr. Pecker is so big he cast a shadow, Little dick cast no shadow but does appear every so often peeking out of the bush. Mr. Pecker plays well with others, Little Dick plays well with himself. Mr. Pecker takes a licking and keeps on thrusting, Little Dick can’t be found for a lick much less a thrust. So I guess it’s clear to see; all the ladies love Mr. Pecker and cry when they see Little Dick.

Well now my little loser the Queen thinks it’s time for all of you to do a little spring cleaning. I know all of you piss heads have been neglecting your over all pecker hygiene. Let’s face it, it’s time to trim the bush and buff the cock. Face it you might have a better chance of getting someone to pay attention to that useless dick if you improve the over all look. Also if you trim that hairy thatch that tiny wiener might look a little bigger. So here’s what the Queen wants you to do to improve the over all look of that poor excuse of a ding a ling.

Okay dip shits repeat after me; I swear to trim my bush and polish my tiny dick at least once a week for my Lovely Queen. Alright if you said your cock pledge then let’s proceed. First off you will need to have these items ready to begin your task, something to trim with, a cloth, and a can of lemon or orange furniture polish “Pledge if you have this in your area”. Now to begin you will need to trim that bush in what ever manner you feel you can accomplish without cutting your little pecker off. Next clean all the trimmed hair away, and then perform your favorite hand shake on your cock to make it nice and hard, spray your dick with Pledge from base to tip, then slowly start buffing your cock from base to tip till it has a nice shine. Oh yes I know; that little dick now feels the need to cum, you want to shoot that load so bad now don’t you? Well tough shit moron the Queen didn’t give you permission to cum so if you spew your goo you had better be ready to lick every last drop up! Now if you managed to complete this task without jacking off you have proven you can follow instructions and your tiny Dick now has a nice shine and smells like citrus. Go out find a woman, see if you can get lucky, if you get her to sample your cock she will be most happy that you were thoughtful enough to trim the pecker and give it that nice clean smell. If you were one of the losers that couldn’t finish and had to cum; well at least it smells nice but doubt you will have any luck with the ladies. After all you have no self control so how long would you last between the sheets anyway. HAHA! LOSER!!!!

Do you ever feel the need to march to the tune of a different drummer? HAHA Dip shit if that’s your desire then you have come to the right place. Come on over and join the Queens Army and find out just how well I can whip you into shape. That’s right Morons you will be marching, jumping, crawling, any damn thing the Queen orders your stupid worthless ass to do you will be Johnny on the spot ready to serve. Yes Queen, WHAT’S THAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU! DON’T YOU TOUCH YOURSELF THERE; YOU HAVEN’T EARNED THE RIGHT TO DO SO YET. I WILL TELL YOU WHEN AND HOW MUCH YOU CAN STROKE THAT COCK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Alright then prove to me you can listen and follow the orders I give you. Down on the floor, DON’T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY, I SAID DOWN ON THE FLOOR! Now pisshead give me 40 push ups right now. Feeling the burn yet? Good. Now crawl your loser ass over to that wall on your left. That’s right; now stand in front of that hole in the wall. Drop your pants, take your limp dick and make it nice and hard, that’s right, now stick it in the hole. You dare to ask your Queen what that thick goo is you are pumping your poor excuse of a pecker in. Well dipshit I will be happy to answer that one for you after a few more pumps in the hole. Oooooh sounds like lonesome loser is ready to cum. Was that a good wall fuck sugar pie? Well now that you’ve had a nice time fucking the wall I will tell you what you just made love to. Peanut Butter; that’s right Johnny on the spot, you will now be known as my Peanut Butter Fucker. HAHA! Maybe with a little more work you can work your way up to a nice glory hole. But not yet; no you still need to work on fucking the Peanut Butter shit head. HAHA!

I beg your pardon I never promised you a rose garden, but I will give you thorns.HAHA! Have you ever given any thought to the other wonderful uses of a rose garden? Well the Queen has and I think perhaps I might just be in the mood to share them with you. So my little losers, sit back, relax, close your eyes and try to envision a dark night, just you, me and the lovely red roses. There’s a chill in the air, you have goose bumps on your skin, yet your skin feels alive with heat. You stand before your beautiful Queen, eager to please, all I have to do is give the order and you will obey. My creamy white skin glows in the dark night, you can’t help but to gaze into my hypnotic eyes; you know you are mine. I allow you to stand there for a bit taking in all my glory, you see my wicked smile. You feel fear at first, yet you cannot leave for you know to leave would mean you would never get to experience the glorious rapture to come. I tell you to disrobe, then to go deep into the garden and bring me back 30 red roses, each with long stems all with the thorns. Once you have acquired the roses with thorns you kneel before your Queen waiting for your next order. I tell you to lay all but two of the roses with thorns down a few feet a part in a straight line. You are curious why I would tell you to do this but yet know better then to ever question your Queen. Now I tell you to place one of the two roses I told you to keep in your mouth. Now get on your hands and knees and slowly crawl down that path of roses and thorns. You start to crawl, the thorns are piercing your hands, knees, legs and feet, each prick stings and burns, yet you keep crawling. Suddenly you feel a hot stinging pain on your butt cheeks and realize your Queen is whipping you with the one rose she kept. Once you’ve made it to the end of the rose/thorn path I tell you to gather up all the roses you just crawled over and lay them in a larger pile. Now lie on top of the roses and thorns, roll over, and wiggle on your stomach. You feel stabbing hot pain, 100’s of needles digging into your tender cock flesh, yet you are getting more and more aroused. And with that arousal comes more pain while that pecker grows. I now stand over you, whipping you with the one rose I kept, ordering you to pump your hips, that’s right act like you are humping a women, faster! You raise your hips; keep pumping that worthless cock into the bed of roses. Ooooooh you scream, my Queen, my Queen, and then nothing but sweet ecstasy. While you lay there shaking with pleasure you feel a tearing pain across your back. Then you hear your Queens wicked laughter telling your worthless ass to get up, you’re not done yet. You see that mess you made in those lovely red roses? Get on your hands and knees and lick that cum off each and every petal, every stem, and yes every thorn! Now you have served your purpose for the evening, you may crawl over to your clothes and leave the way you came. I will linger here and just sit and laugh for a bit at the picture of you fucking those thorns. HAHA! THE END!

See the pleasure you can experience if you go over to the dark side and call your Queen. Don’t get use to hot stories like that my sorry losers; that one was just to show you what wonderful sick things go on in my lovely head. Sweet dreams. HAHA!

Are you the type of loser that can only get an Inflatable date? Does your date come to you by the postal system? Is she made of plastic or latex? Do you get off on that “new doll smell” strait out of the box? Well then you sad loser do I have the gal for you. Yes that’s right, I have the girl of your dreams just waiting for you to try out one of her nice tight holes. I can just see your sorry ass now reaching down with your fat fingers to rub back and fourth on that useless dick of yours. Just thinking about your dream girl gets you all revved up and ready for a good fuck; now doesn’t it LOSER? That’s ok piss head, every loser has to find some pleasure in there sorry lives; even you. I tell you what though; I do believe I can help you bring a little more excitement to your latex love life. How you ask? Well dip shit it’s really quite simple. You just pick of the phone “it’s that thing that rings and someone is on the other end”, call me, and either bring your own latex love date or hell you can use the hot dream date I talked about above. After all just look at her; she’s hot admit it. All the right holes can move most any direction, now all you need is me to tell you how to fuck your dream date. So if you would like to improve your latex love life; call the Queen. Go on give it a try, step over to the dark side, I wont bite; if I do you wont mind it at all.

Well now it would seem that you silly twits are not the only ones that love to read the warped writings of the Queen. I have now been featured on www.kinkyphonegirls.com for one of the eloquent post I wrote. So you see I will have a much larger following of losers in need of someone as wise and wicked as the Queen to lead them to the pleasure they desire.